I'm grumpy and that's OK: dealing with emotional mud.

So, today I'm grumpy. And that's okay.

Context: I'm really tired and I have a dental infection so I'm also in pain. Sucky McSucky indeed. But whilst I know it's not great to be in a flump, it is okay to feel crap sometimes. I just need to surrender to the grumpiness and flumpiness and work through it, process those feelings and move on to a better place, having worked with myself to a better understanding.

If you're feeling bad, I've found that it's a lot easier to work through that emotional mud by getting stuck in and processing it, not ignoring it. If you ignore things, they tend to build up and then ERUPT when you least expect it, and it can take a heck of a longer time to work through it as well. I like to think of it as choosing to dip your toes in the mud. Stick a bare foot in, squiggle your toes about and feel how it feels. After all, squishy, cool mud between your toes is a lot easier to deal with than a mudslide.

I also have several techniques, processes and just general ways of dealing with emotional mud, that makes it a lot thinner and lot easier to work through. I'm not saying it's easy and I'm super great at dealing with my emotions, but I am saying, if you implement little ways to help yourself help your inner you (okay, we're getting deep now!) then it feels a lot easier to deal.

So, I will share with you one of my ways of dealing with the mud:

Write or say out loud a "gratitude in the now" list.

One of my 3 key intentions for 2015 is "be present in the moment" - a lot of the time it is really hard to not be in the present. You're pining, experiencing or relieving the past or you're yearning, being scared of who freaking out about the future. Just sitting here, in the present, with yourself is extremely stretching for me, but since I have actively tried this, it is really becoming a way of life for me. So, a way of bringing myself back into the present and dealing with how I am presently feeling, is by either writing down, drawing or saying out loud a "gratitude in the now" list. What am I grateful right now, in this present moment at which I am existing?

Avocados.
Music. Loud, positive, beautiful music.
Sparkling juice.
Colour. Pink, orange and yellow.
Modern medicine
Art.
My love.
Patterns.
That colour that is kind of half yellow half green.
Flowers.
Horses.
Waterfalls.

Even if the only thing in this moment you can feel grateful for is whimsical or stupid or just "I am breathing", I find it really helps to ground me and to help me feel more positive things. I flippin' love avocados and I'm grateful I have one! I know I am loved, he's sitting right behind me. And I'm so grateful for that feeling of love.

The more I think of my in the present gratefulness, the softer and warmer that mud becomes, like melting chocolate.

I feel less grumpy already :-)

Feathery Art

So I've been squirrelling away, finally burst through my creative block and have been busy making lots of art, mostly using my Life Book lessons as inspiration!

Here are 2 recent artworks I created... Feeling the feathery love!

This first painting is an affirmation feather, inspired by Tamara Laporte's Life Book lesson. The feather, I aimed for a more painterly effect, and I do like the effect of the splashes of colour contrasting with the white space. In the lesson, the feather has affirmations written within the spine of the feather but for my version I omitted these, as I felt the feather was "enough" as is.

My second painting is from a Lifebook lesson by Rachel Rice, based upon creating a dream catcher. I LOVE the moody tones of this, very different form my usual style and I am really digging black gesso mixed with very iridescent metallic paints at the moment! My new-found love! The affirmations on the feather were from a positive body image guided meditation I completed recently, from The Honest Guys' youtube. I love the effect and the quite (from Disney!) in the centre of the dream catcher really resonates with me.

Day 14

Quick blog update. Been ill, stuck in bed, grumpy and mopey. Getting better slowly and making art again, which is very soul-nourishing. Am hoping I will have more energy tonight to paint. Made some out of my comfort zone pieces recently, which I will share once they are on my phone... Need to have a long photography session!

Vlog #3

So, uploading a bit late... Here's Saturday morning's vlog... Meet my bunny, Motley :-)

Day 3

Hmmm, so today is a funny one.

I woke up feeling pretty good – I finally got through some creative block last night and started a drawing. It felt really great to put pen to paper again. I drew a sketch I had made a few days ago, entitled “I open myself up to the universe”, which is a phrase that really resonates with me at the moment. A few days, in one of my meditations, I made this my intention. I literally said, I open myself up to the universe. The idea was, I have my goals, I have my ideas and I am open to guidance, help and love from everything around me. Anyway, so this was a sketch realised from that intention.

It’s funny, the more I think about it, the more it seems that I probably have got my wish, just in a form I wasn’t expecting. I am not fulfilled in my day job, and am looking for more… So being made redundant, is probably the guidance I need to get out there and start doing something that really makes my heart sing. I’m looking forward the weekend, where I am going to do some thinking, and some soul searching.

What do I really want to do?

What can I do that will sustain me financially, but also spiritually?

I was feeling pretty happy, accepting. And then something very frustrating happened at work – something frustrating and unfair, and it really set me backwards. I was so angry, I really struggled to breathe almost. I’m actually quite proud of me I didn’t completely see red and go old testament haha!

So most of the day I have felt angry again, which is frustrating me because I don’t want to be angry. I want to feel how I felt this morning, when I was recording my vlog (ooh yeah, I’m loving vlogging!). I don’t know how to get myself out of this funk. Maybe I need to sneak off and meditate!

In reality, I can’t do that. So I guess I need to read up some quick anger reducing breathing exercises to bring myself back down to Earth. All I know right now, is I’m looking forward to getting home tonight. 

Vlog #2

Morning, here's vlog #2... A couple of stolen minutes on the way to work, airing some thoughts about creative block and sharing my latest artwork in progress.

Day 2

It snowed this morning. It’s impossible to feel bitter or angry when it’s snowing.

I stepped outside into the swirling flurry of white and breathed deeply. Taking the world in. Taking the new day in. I walked part of the way to work today, as I wanted to stand in the snow longer and I realised that my ball of angry has loosened.

In my yoga class today, we completed an exercise where you gather up toxic feelings, bad chi and release it. You then gather lightness and positivity and “push” that inside of you. At first, I felt like there was too much toxicity – there wasn’t enough time, my hands weren’t big enough! I simply couldn’t just gather it all up and push it away.

Then, as I visualised my hands grey, sticky and sludgy with all the hurt and anger; light came and swallowed the darkness. Within me I found peace.